Megan Fox: A Quick Lesson in Economics

Before I begin this post, I'd like to open with a small disclaimer. That is this: I do not want this collection of venom and vitriol to be trivialized or otherwise co-opted by irrelevancies. With that said, however, my contempt for the stupidity and vacuousness of our cultural icons - for the whole human race, if you want to get right to the crux of the matter - is a not insignificant part of who I am. Therefore I will dedicate a post (a small post) to it.

The focus of my contempt? Megan Fox.




Going back almost a year, I first learned of this "person" when a friend asked me if I was "familiar with the Megan Fox phenomenon." I was forced to admit I was not. I had heard the name and seen the face, sure, but the movies were and are pretty much dead to me. Television has the same quality of actors, access to many of the same special effects, costumes, makeup, etc., and has infinitely better creative talent. Put it this way: would you rather watch the series finale of Battlestar Galactica or James Cameron's Pocaho- I mean Avatar?

My friend explained to me that Megan Fox had been "getting some publicity" because she had "views on things" and "opinions." I was then subjected to several of these "opinions." They struck me as the sorts of things a stoned Sarah Palin would have said to her sorority. My friend then clarified that "she said these things with her mouth in front of people."

I was horrified.

That was in May of 2009. In the interim, Megan Fox has not gone gently into that good night. And, axiomatically, any night into which she would go (and not come out of) would be a good one. In fact, she seems to have become a fixture of the landscape (read: train wreck) that is American culture. So fine, she's here to stay. Can she at least be quiet about it, though?

No, no she can't.

This would be a good time for a Picard facepalm.









I feel much better now.

So do you believe Megan Fox is pure as the driven snow? Yeah, neither do I. I also have an IQ significantly above that of the common garden slug. I wonder if there's a correlation.

Now, I normally don't want to associate myself with (dull) gossip. I avoid such minutia as who has slept with whom, or whether he got her pregnant, or if she gave him syphilis. It's not that I consider myself above the muck of human affairs, it's simply that I don't care. But at the same time, the number "two" sounded too fantastic to be believable. It resounded in my head, tolling like the bells of Notre Dame, until I realized something - something profound. I realized that Megan Fox is an economist - a dazzlingly, amazingly, stupefyingly brilliant economist.

You see, boys and girls, that number that Megan Fox has arrived at - that "two" of hers - is an example of what economists would call "deflation." Allow me to explain.

Say each shallow, cheap, drunken fling equals one dollar. Now imagine that Megan Fox has roughly two hundred "dollars." Each "dollar," being access to Megan Fox's twat (which is the standard her "dollars" are on - unless, of course, she has a double standard, but I won't go into that right now...), becomes less and less valuable. Why? Because as time goes on, it becomes increasingly easy for Megan Fox to acquire one "dollar" despite the fact that her "product" is certainly not increasing in quality. It becomes so diluted, in fact, that the "dollar" begins to lose any semblance of value.

When Megan Fox realizes that her massive accumulation of "dollars" might look petty and trivial when people realize how insubstantial and cheap they really are, she jettisons them. Not all of them, of course, just most. How many does she keep? Two. It's every bit as arbitrary as two hundred, but because there are so few of them, Megan Fox's twat gets divided in halves as opposed to in two hundredths.

This makes each individual partition seem more desirable. The number of "dollars" in circulation gets deflated and the perceived value goes up. But, because money is a social construct without any objective value beyond that determined by the minting authority, it has no intrinsic worth. Her deflated number is therefore every bit as worthless as the real one, but has the added bonus of being a skewed representation of the actual figure.

So what I'm saying is, Megan Fox is a whore.